Good passives

Martin Evans: 29 July 2009 in Opinions

The first piece of advice in almost any guide to clear writing is 'Use the active rather than the passive.' With good reason generally. Passives make more convoluted sentences, make your brain work harder. They also often reduce clarity by hiding who's responsible.

'Your application has not been accepted...' doesn't tell us who made that decision. If you're communicating unwelcome information, it can be tempting to hide behind a passive. But if you're receiving it, it can be frustrating.

But consider this scenario. Imagine I am shortly to retire and I receive a letter from the HR department which says:

'Your pension will be paid into your bank account in monthly installments. The payments will be made on or before the 13th of each month.'

Clear. Tells me concisely what I want to know. Two passive verbs.

What happens if we put it into the active?

'Payment Data Solutions plc, who act as our agents for making pension payments, will pay your pension into your bank account. They will make these payments on or before the 13th of each month.'

Longer, more complex, and I have to wade through information I'm not interested in before I get to what interests me. And as Jakob Nielsen has pointed out, if I'm on a web page I may not wait that long.

There is another principle in good communication that has been frustrated here: we should proceed from the known to the unknown. From 'my pension' (I know I'm going to get a pension) to where and when it will be paid (unknown until you tell me - and something I want to know). I don't know Payment Data Solutions plc - so you had to start by explaining them to me. And until I got to the verb I had no idea why you were telling me about them.

There is, of course another way of getting rid of the passives in my example, and it is the one which is becoming the norm.

'We will pay your pension into your bank account in monthly installments. We will make these payments on or before the 13th of each month.'

Much more attractive. More human. Gives that feel of a conversation, a warmer tone, a relationship.

There's a lot to be said for the 'we' format, but sometimes I want to know who 'we' is. What happens on the 14th of the month when I find I haven't been paid? I dig out the warm letter and phone its writer in the HR department.

'Ah, we don't deal with payments. You need to speak to Payment Data Solutions.'

'Who are they?'

'They do all the pension payments for us.'

'How do I contact them?'

'Hang on, I'll see if I can find a number - or you could try their website.'

All that human, attractive, relationship thing - they've just blown it.

When it comes down to it, 'we' can often hide what we want to know, just as effectively as a passive. If organisations are going to say 'we', we expect them to accept the implied responsibility that goes with it. Something like this:

'I'm sorry to hear that, Mr Jones. Can you give me your details please and I'll get on to Payment Data Solutions, who do the payments, and find out what's happened and phone you back.'

Backing up the 'we' in that way may not be something the organisation wants to take on. It may be one of the tasks it specifically wanted to outsource. In that case there's an acceptable alternative:

'Your pension will be paid into your bank account in monthly installments. The payments will be made on or before the 13th of each month.

The payments will be made by Payment Data Solutions plc. If you have any queries about your payment you can contact them on 0845 5137 2401'

Short. Clear. Three passives.

Simplification Centre